i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
