And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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