If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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