i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
