Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
