Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
