He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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