pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
