You're so nebulous sometimes
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
