oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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