Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
