Fuck appropriateness.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
