how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
