Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
no, he came in my armpit
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
