have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
