and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
