im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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