Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
