; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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