Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
