I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
