so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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