Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
