it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
