He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
