Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
