the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize