i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
