Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
