I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
