Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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