you're like a bully in the Christmas story
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
