Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
