The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
