I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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