from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
