mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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