don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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