Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
