I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
