So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
