Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
