just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize