sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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