They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
