What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
