He is such a slut. More and more my type.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
