that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
