It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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