friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
