I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
