just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
