i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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