y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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