watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
