I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
