when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
