I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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