like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
