You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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