my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
