Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
