He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
