Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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