Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
