I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
